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chrisbritton87

Negotiation - Toddler Edition

My wife often tells me that if I don't want to do something then I won't. Also that I am very stubborn so if I do want to do something then I will keep going until it's done.


All of that might be true, and I guess that is where Orla gets her attitude from. She absolutely falls into the category of a sassy little toddler now and I love it.


I'd consider myself a good negotiator. I think I can stay calm in most situations. I have a reasonable level of patience. I am ok with showing good empathy for situations.


All of that is tested to the max when trying to convince Orla to do things.


I am not talking about serious life or death scenarios. Although they seem life or death to her.


I think a lot of parents will have experienced the stand off with the child and this is my take on what happens and how to win the war (accepting a few battles get lost along the way)


Life and Death Scenario #1- It is sleep time


Despite the rubbing of the eyes, the yawning, the closing the eyes them opening them, the grumpiness....all of these a sure tell tale sign that the baby needs to sleep, when trying to convince your toddler that a good rest would be good for them, all hell can break loose.


We perhaps made a rod for our own back in the early months by doing pretty much exclusive contact naps- ie she would only fall asleep when being held and then with the stealth skills of a ballerina ninja, we would try and place her down.


Now, even when she is nearly two, Orla insists on being cuddled and having lots of songs sung to her.


We have this thing of "Daddy songs" or "Mummy songs". Essentially, is it my wife's turn to put her down or mine?


It doesn't matter which one she chooses, as soon as it starts, she immediately picks the other one and shouts about it.


The key I find with this is the art of distraction and story telling. As she is shouting for Mummy Songs despite clearly choosing Daddy songs about 10 seconds ago, talking to her about her day or telling her a quick story about a little girl called Orla distracts her sufficiently to stop the shouting and crying.


Of course, that is until it's time to put her down.


'One more song Orla and then you go into your cot ...ok?'


'Ok daddy'


Yeah right.


As my twentieth go round of twinkle twinkle comes to an end, I say, with little hope of it being true, time to go into your cot and night night Orla.


Let the crying and guilt commence. As she cries Daddy Songs and Cuddles while reaching out to me I have to walk away.


For a few reasons....my back is in bits, I am sweating profusely, I am sick to the back teeth of twinkle twinkle bloody star and also we would be there all night if I don't leave.


Orla cries for a few minutes but she eventually stops and the rest of the day can continue.


Life and Death Scenario #2- Bath time


This one ebs and flows with enjoyment.


Some days Orla really likes being in the bath and happily walks to it, splashes around when in there, plays with her little fish and it's all good fun.


Other days...you would think we are about to chuck her overboard into the sea full of baby eating sharks.


There is no rhyme or reason to this by the way, so don't tie yourself up in knots trying to work it out.


On the days she refuses we have a few techniques on the go....not having a wash isn't one of them.


Whether it's mummy get in the bath with you, doing just a quick flannel wash or trying to make a game out of it or anything else... sometimes it's just do what you can.


Orla is quite independent (she likes to think so anyway) so the most recent tactic is to let her wash herself. She calls it rub a dub dub.


Using a small bit of baby wash on her hand, we watch on as she immediately drops it in the bath, and rubs the soapless fingers in one tiny place on her tummy and proudly exclaims - All done mummy. All done daddy.


Ermmmm right...not quite.


We have tried holding her in place, distraction with bubbles, using a bath chair, not using a bath chair, singing, dancing and anything else we can think of.


Just go with it...what children hate today they will love tomorrow.


A quick wash is better than no wash.


Life and Death Scenario #3- Not those shoes


Children's shoes are expensive. Especially considering they probably get about 4 months out of them before needing to buy more.


The joy of taking your toddler to get her first shoes is...an experience.


As we walk into Clarks, take our ticket and await the children's shoe assistant coming to help us, you can not help but remark at the ridiculous amounts of designs, and styles for shoes for kids.


To be fair to Orla, the few times we have done this, in-between running out of the shop to Build a Bear next door, she has been fairly tolerant of having her feet measured.


You have to hand it to the sales people for their patience and attempt to keep the kids entertained and calm.


Offering a choice of shoes to a toddler...bad idea.


Remember what she hates today she will love tomorrow. That works in reverse as well.


'Those ones daddy.'


'You sure?'


'Yes.'


'Really sure?'


'Yes.'


'Ok...these ones please shop keep.'


'Nooooooooooo' Orla cries and wriggles on the floor. 'Those ones!'


Right ...we will take both as I walk out spending twice as much on a pair of shoes I know she will not wear.


I have no magic solution to this...just expect to spend twice what you planned for and then curse the children shoe industry when they refuse to wear them.


Life and Death Scenario #4- Do not grab the cats by the tail


We had the cats before we had the baby. Sybil and Saoirise are a part of our family and they both know it.


They had free reign of the house before Orla was born and we were a little concerned about how they would adapt to a crying baby.


We were watching an episode of something when my wife was pregnant and Saoirise was sitting on her lap when a scene came on with a screaming baby.


I am not exaggerating when I say that Saoirise had the most disgusted look on her face as she got up and walked out of the room.


Fast forward a couple of years and actually the cats are pretty good with her. Orla mostly ignores them but every now and again she likes to try and give them food, offer up one of her toys or tries to give them some strokes.


Trying to explain to a toddler than the strokes need to be gentle, don't run after them and please don't pull on their tail is an ongoing education.


She finds it funny when the cats run away and sees it as an invitation to engage in playful chasing, laughing and giggling as the kitties try to make their escape.


Only way to show her the right thing to do here is to show how gentle we need to be...starting with her teddy bears and hoping it translates to other furry things.


This is a work in progress. Thankfully most of the time the cats keep their distance but I dread the day when she is a little older and I come into the room to find that Orla has held Sybil hostage and dressed her up in an outfit with mummy's lipstick all over her whiskers.


I am sure as time progresses and Orla has better use of her words then negotiating might become a little easier.


This also might be wishful thinking.

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