It has been a while since my last blog.
The words and feelings that came out of me when writing previously are an honest account of my experience of dad life through the pregnancy, early days and weeks.
Getting that off my chest was equal parts cathartic and shocking. I felt better for it and it allowed me to compartmentalise that period of fatherhood and set myself up to tackle what came next.
Everyone always makes the joke about sleep with babies. I lost count of the amount of parents who said it to me when we were pregnant.
I always just brushed it off and thought ..how difficult can it be?
Turns out...pretty tough.
For the first few months of Orla being home she actually wasn't too bad. She woke up in the night a few times for feeds etc but was also going fairly long stretches between them which allowed us to get some much needed rest.
On Christmas Eve 2022 she actually slept for about 8 hours through the night in what I could only describe as a Christmas miracle. I genuinely thought...this is doable now. Hard part is done..what a good sleeper she is.
Ermmm
Something changed on 1st January 23 and it would last for the next 4 months ....the dreaded regressions.
I have no idea what a sleep regression is or really why they happen. Dr Google tells me it's about leaps , development points, learning new skills, teething, getting ill etc. In simple terms it could literally be anything that causes a baby to not sleep the way you'd like them to.
Upon reflection, we made a rod for our own back as Orla was exclusively breast fed, only napped when having contact and wouldn't sleep without being fed to sleep on the boob.
Knowing you are probably making it difficult for yourself but also feeling guilty if you were to change what she likes was difficult. She is a baby. If she finds comfort from cuddling her parents and feeling close to us (especially mum) then that is what she should get.
Throughout January and February we had to introduce the shift system during the night.
We would take it in turns for 2 hours at a time. That was the window where one of us was responsible for the baby and the other could use that time to rest.
If Orla was crying so much that nothing would settle her other than being fed then sadly for mum...her shifts kept going.
If I was able to settle her, the system was essentially walk up and down for ages until we were sure she was in a deep sleep, try ever so gently to put her in her crib, she would wake up crying and we start the process again.
Painful
Dr Google suggested sleep training. Teaching the baby to sleep on their own. How difficult could it be?
Turns out...nearly impossible for us. We paid for a sleep consultant to give us guidance and a schedule. They told us what we should do, the times to do things, the method to follow.
This for the most part just sent Orla into meltdown and it was too difficult for us to leave her crying. It hurts the soul standing outside the door listening to her crave her parents.
We binned sleep training off and decided we just had to ride it out. It couldn't go on forever and we just had to dig deep and accept our fate.
Surely it would get better? And it did.
From about 7 months, Orla started sleeping much better at night. Looking back I think the turning point was her ability to roll herself and sleep on her side or front. She was a reflux baby and I am guessing that if you feel sick then laying flat on your back probably isn't the most comfortable.
A complete game changer for parent life. I guess to progress, babies need to regress.
What have I learned from this?
When you are in the thick of things, it feels never ending. But as each day passes trying to remember that it will get better and this is only temporary is important.
Orla didn't know any better. She didn't keep us awake because she thought it was funny. She was uncomfortable, or had pain, or was ill...she just wanted cuddles from the people who she loves the most.
I get that, and as she gets older my love for her has not only developed but has become everything to me.
Maybe being a dad isn't that bad after all