I don't think anyone or anything can prepare you for a lot of things about becoming a dad for the first time.
There was certainly no preparation on the quantity and complexity of the stuff that is on the market to buy for newborns.
By nature, I am a pretty simple guy. I don't have high taste on things, I am pretty comfortable with living my life in joggers, I am not a fan of expensive food and I am quite content operating in the mindset of, if I need it, then I will go buy it.
Babies are tiny. They do not need an awful lot. Surely, a baby does not need that much to be happy or get through the first few weeks.
Well the truth is, they don't.
The reality, however, new parent guilt is quite overwhelming and the fear of not providing the very best things for you baby is a very real feeling.
And companies know this!
Thinking logically- a baby needs somewhere to sleep, some stuff to wear, something to eat, some way of getting around and somewhere to poo.
Logic goes out the baby proofed window because added to this mix is stuff I never knew existed in the first place but I felt like I would be a bad parent if I didn't buy it.
Let's take the nursery as an example. A dedicated nurturing space kitted out for your lovely new bundle of joy. With a cot, freshly painted walls, lots of magical baby sensory stuff hanging on the walls, dedicated changing table, small wardrobe and black out blinds specially installed.
I could count on one hand the amount of times I went into the nursery in the first 4 or 5 months.
I do get the argument of getting it all ready in advance, being prepped, not having the stress of decorating when she is born...but Christ, I have never spent so much money and time on a room that I never go in, in my life.
Another minefield is the pram...or as I discovered: "the travel system".
I remember trying to research this stuff online and being completely bamboozled by the amount of different types of kit that could be bought to get your baby around. I had dreamed of that picture that every dad get's- you know the one walking out of the hospital holding your baby in a carrier.
Problem is- there is a million types of carrier all proclaiming to be the best, safest and highest quality on the market.
A friend recommended a car seat that connects to the pram and swivels as you take it in/out of the car itself. But my god there is so many to choose from and they do not come cheap. If you want an actual travel system- ie all of the above plus a few more things, you will be looking at least a grand. Ultimately, my conclusion- they are all much of a muchness. Too much research will drive you mad. The baby doesn't care what it looks like. Middle of the range was fine with me.
Top tip for this one- baby stuff is on sale more often than DFS...so do your research but keep checking the pricing before buying. We got ours with a nice £500 discount which was 'exclusive'. Sale ended for about 3 days before their new exclusive started again.
I was warned by some other parents that we would end up buying stuff that we would never need or use.
They were correct.
One of the things that leads to this non use of stuff you buy is the kindness of others. I can not really explain how many baby related products was bought for or given to us by family and friends. And it falls into two categories.
Gifts and hand me downs.
Let's start with gifts- people are ridiculously generous when you have a baby on the way. The amount of personalised toys, outfits and little keep sakes we got for Orla was really special.
Tip for new parents here- you will get asked by friends and family what you would like as a gift. They are going to buy it for you anyway so you may as well tell them what you want. My advice- ask for clothes of various sizes to avoid getting everything for the same size which all get too small pretty quickly
I was actually a little resistant to hand me downs. I had the thought process of 'my baby will have all new stuff, not something that has been used before'
I was wrong
One thing I vastly under estimated was how many bloody outfits babies go through each day- through a combination of poo, sick and generally getting a bit mucky, we must have been changing the outfits at least 5 or 6 times in the early days. We were fortunate that my wife's family had girls and gave us loads of clothes and upon reflection I am extremely grateful that they did. It saved us a ton of money!
Now all the stuff was purchased, the nursery was ready to not be used for 6 months, we had clothes and everything else we thought we needed (plus a lot more we didn't), it was full steam ahead to the final stages of pregnancy
My next blog is going to be about the final few days leading up to my wife giving birth and my experience of the birth itself.
My wife has forgotten most of it but I remember it so vividly.
24th September 2022- what a night!